The Chronicles of The Wandering Eyes

I've realized lately that I'm very hard on myself. I constantly feel as though I'm never doing enough, so I beat myself up for it. I sleep for two to four hours a day and call it normal. I constantly make myself do some type of work, never giving space for a creative bone in my body. All for the sake of productivity and feeling worthy. But yesterday as I was sitting at my work study, After I picked up an extra shift to make up the time I took off, this time I took off was to work on a sophomore thesis, yet I punished myself for it and acted like it was some break. When in reality it was a different form of work that pushed me beyond my limits. But, I still sat there. I picked up an extra shift. So, on top of waking up at five in the morning, I was closing at 11:30pm that night. Like it was the most normal thing ever. Like it was normal to be a full-time student, working two jobs having important roles in two organizations, and running on an hour of sleep. I'm only reall...

      The other post that says it's from today actually wasn't. It was a draft from last year December that I forgot to post. At the time I didn't think it was worth posting, but looking back I think everything is worth posting. So, I'm going to keep this online diary where I publish small things. Nothing too personal that reveals too much, but nothing too broad that no one can relate. But then again, it's not like anyone will read this.     Anyways,     Today I cleaned and rearranged my room. Lately it's been nothing but a cluttered mess. Random empty water bottles littered across the floor, jackets from times I rushed outside piling on my chair, and makeup cluttering my once organized desk. So, today I changed all of that. I changed my bed sheets and cleared the floor. Then, I took a trash bag and filled it to the brim with miscellaneous items I no longer needed. I organized my desk and night stand until they looked like themselves again. I even repo...

 It's been a while. After constantly being doused with water, time and time again, I finally woke up from my slumber. My vision is now clear and my feet touch the ground, I've been through a lot since the last time we spoke. Yet, not enough. I liked another boy, but this time I poured my whole heart into him. But just as sudden as those feelings came, they quickly left in a similar manner. And I soon found myself at the door of a grand mansion I now wander its halls with my head held high, Unsure of what is going to come next, yet I still walk by. I walk with the desire of shedding my old skin, For becoming the new me is all I intend.